


Worth It

by Estrella3791



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, But Written in Third Person, POV Sherlock Holmes, Post-Season/Series 03, Pre-Season/Series 04, Sherlock Needs A Hug, Sherlock's thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-16 02:56:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10562280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Estrella3791/pseuds/Estrella3791
Summary: Sentiment was a chemical defect found on the losing side.Watching John get ‘flicked’ and feeling the flame threaten to take over his mind was proof of that. The flame called sentiment which made him want to protect everyone from sharks like Magnussen.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Just something I wrote while suffering post-season depression. I don't even know. I cried sooo hard while watching this episode, but then I watched the first episode of the Fourth Season and I realized that this was happy times in Sherlock-world.  
> Anyway, I hope that you enjoy it!!! :)

There were no Appledore vaults. Of course not. He should have known.  
Stupid, stupid, stupid!  
How could he have let it come to this? There was that… psychopath poking and prodding at John, his threats preventing the doctor from pulling away and saving his dignity. It almost hurt Sherlock to see his friend in such a position.  
“Eye open…”  
John turned a helpless eye to Sherlock. His gaze was questioning and frustrated and Sherlock could read the look in his eyes.  
What do I do?  
“Let him. I’m sorry. Just… let him.”  
It burned. It was honestly burning, somewhere deep inside him. Sherlock had only felt this way a handful of times before: when he’d come home to find John gone, when he’d found Mrs. Hudson tied up and bleeding, when he’d realized that Irene Adler was alive and he hadn’t been told. And here was that feeling again, the fire in his middle that threatened to spread through his body and take over his mind.  
Magnussen had taken everything from him. His reputation, his livelihood – his life. And now that he had done everything he could to Sherlock directly, he wanted to see if he could inflict more damage through John. His best friend. Sherlock had never thought he’d have a best friend. He’d thought that his personality alone would be enough to scare anyone off. Add to that the element of danger always surrounding him, and anyone would be a fool to even try to become his friend. And Sherlock had never wanted a friend. Sentiment was a chemical defect found on the losing side.  
Watching John get ‘flicked’ and feeling the flame threaten to take over his mind was proof of that. The flame called sentiment which made him want to protect everyone from sharks like Magnussen.  
But, as it turned out, having friends was amazing. Sherlock loved teasing Mary and having John by his side as they fought crime. Having Mary shoot him had been a little disconcerting, he’d admit, but once he’d worked out her reasons he’d loved her all the more. He shouldn’t have let them get to him. Why hadn’t he just sent John away? The doctor had been put in enough danger. Enough for a lifetime. The fact that he thrived on it didn’t matter.  
“Sherlock Holmes and John Watson! Stand away from that man!”  
Mycroft’s voice echoed through the building. Sherlock wanted to scream.  
So this had been Magnussen’s plan all along. Get Sherlock to his house, alone or accompanied – no matter – making sure he had the laptop, destroy his hopes, and get him arrested. It was brilliant. Like Magnussen was. Like Sherlock wasn’t.  
It was true. Sentiment was found on the losing side. And now Sherlock was losing.  
“No chance for you to be a hero this time, Mr. Holmes.”  
Sherlock could hardly hear what the man was saying over the painful buzzing in his head, but it was enough that he had said the word ‘hero’ and that it had been addressed to him.  
“Sherlock Holmes and John Watson! Step away from that man!”  
Hero. Hero. Hero.  
Suddenly the flame went out and ice took over. Everything became cold and clear, and Sherlock could only think of one thing to do. The shark had to be destroyed to save the Watsons, and saving the Watsons was the only thing that mattered.  
“Oh, do your research.” Only thing that mattered. Sentiment made you lose. Losing didn’t matter any more. “I’m not a hero,” heroes don’t put their friends in danger all the time, they don’t ruin lives, “I’m a high functioning sociopath. Merry Christmas!”  
And the ice took over and he pulled the trigger and the shark was dead. Suddenly Sherlock realized what he had done. He’d taken a life. He threw the gun away like it burned him.  
“Keep away from me, John!” he shouted. “Stay well back!”  
It wasn’t John who had killed Magnussen. John hadn’t done anything. He never did. He just followed, trusting Sherlock with his life. And Sherlock had kept the trust.  
“Give my love to Mary,” he said, feeling his throat close. “Tell her she’s safe now.”  
Only thing that mattered. They were safe. He’d kept his last vow.  
He knelt and kept his hands behind his head and felt the walls he’d pent so much time in constructing crumble to tiny pieces. As the helicopter descended and the British government put his head in his hands and John tried to process what had just happened, Sherlock was the little boy he’d always been. Behind the cold, calculating, emotionless façade, Sherlock was and had always been a little boy, starved for affection and approval.  
He’d die. He knew it. Mycroft would send him on that suicide mission and he’d die. Was it such an awful thing, death? He looked at Magnussen’s body and wondered what it would be like to be dead. That was something he couldn’t really research. Was it just black? He supposed he’d find out soon enough.  
The Watsons were safe. John and Mary could live in peace, knowing that their secrets were safe. They’d raise a family, live happily, and not be afraid. Mary could be happy, John could be happy, the baby could be happy.  
He smiled.  
Sentiment was worth it.


End file.
